What You Should Know Before Starting Therapy, from a Trauma Therapist in Sacramento - Part One
I’m a trauma therapist in Sacramento and something I’ve noticed over the years, especially when connecting with potential new clients, is that there’s a knowledge gap when it comes to therapy.
There are many things the average person may not know, especially if you haven’t been in therapy before—like what a typical session looks like, or how exactly healing works. Do you stay in therapy forever or how do you know when you’re ready to be done?
Even if you’ve been in therapy before, you may be surprised to learn that different therapists have very different ways of working and even different beliefs about how change occurs. For example, I work quite differently than many of my clients’ past therapists. (More details on that to come.)
Many people don’t understand just how important the fit between the client and therapist is. I feel disheartened when I hear stories about someone going to therapy for the first time, and they didn’t click with the therapist, and then they assume that therapy just isn’t for them.
I believe that therapy can help anyone, and that there are as many different kinds of therapists out there as there are different clients with unique personalities and needs.
I know how hard it is to start therapy, especially if it’s your first time. First there’s the internal struggle of deciding to take the leap. And then there are the logistical hoops to jump of figuring out how to find a therapist who’s a good fit for you.
My goal for today’s post is to give you as much information as possible so that you know what to expect in therapy, and you can make an informed and empowered choice for yourself.
Without further ado, let’s clear up some common misconceptions!
Therapy is not just venting.
Especially if you haven’t been in therapy before, people get a lot of their ideas about what therapy is like from movies and television. Often you’ll see someone on a couch, speaking in a stream of consciousness, and a therapist with a furrowed brow simply nodding and saying “mmm hmm.”
So I get why people have misconceptions. But therapy, at least the way I practice it, is not just venting your frustrations about what happened to you that week. That can give a temporary sense of relief, but in my experience, it doesn’t lead to deeper healing.
Venting about your week or having what I call a “talk about” session, can reinforce overintellectualizing—a defense mechanism that can feel productive but usually isn’t. Overintellectualizing is a barrier to vulnerability and keeps us disconnected from our emotional experience.
My clients are very insightful, intelligent people. Often, their intellect is an overdeveloped muscle.
I’m here to take you to the emotions gym!
If the problems that brought you to therapy were ones you could think your way out of, you would have done so already. Unfortunately, insight is not sufficient for healing trauma or other emotional or relational wounds.
For true healing to occur, we need to go beyond the surface level and get to the root causes of your issues, and that means we need to move from thinking and talking to feeling and sensing.
I’m a somatic therapist and I’ve learned through both personal and professional experience that a lot of healing can occur without talking very much at all. I’m continually amazed by the shifts that can occur in a single session when clients get in touch with the wounding right at the source—where it lives within their bodies.
I’m not saying you can’t talk about your life experiences in therapy. I want to be your compassionate witness and for you to feel seen by me. I’m just saying that’s not all we’ll be doing, and that more is needed to truly make therapy a success.
Therapists have different theoretical orientations.
As I mentioned in the introduction, not all therapists are the same. In fact, we may work very differently from one another.
Most therapists I know are integrative, meaning that they incorporate more than one theoretical orientation into their work. I believe that integration should be done with care and intention, and not just randomly picking and choosing techniques from different modalities.
If you talk with a potential therapist and ask about their theoretical orientation, they should be able to give you a clear answer and not just say that their style is “eclectic.”
Different models of therapy or theoretical orientations have different beliefs about what causes our problems and how change works. They have different orientations to time, whether they be more focused on the past, the present, or the future. And they also vary by whether their main focus is on your affect (emotions), cognition (thoughts), or behavior.
Some models of therapy are more directive than others. It can vary widely, how active or passive the therapist is, and the ways in which they interact with you.
You may also be surprised to learn that not all therapists are trauma-informed, and not all therapeutic modalities are trauma-informed. So if you’re coming to therapy to heal from trauma, it’s really important to know how your therapist works and if that’s going to be a fit for your presenting concerns and for you as a person.
Now I’d like to share a bit more with you about my theoretical orientations. Keep in mind that I’m always learning more and integrating more, and the way I work will grow and evolve over time. It already has.
My Modalities
Somatic Therapy: Trauma and emotions get storied in our bodies. You are not just a floating head! Incorporating the body is integral for emotional healing. We do this through tracking sensations and through moving the body. I also teach practices for better nervous system regulation, which helps emotional regulation. Somatic therapy helps you switch gears when you’re stuck in fight, flight, or freeze responses, and is considered a “bottom up” approach, as compared to more cognitively-based “top down” approaches.
Parts Work (IFS-Informed): We all have different parts of ourselves, sub-personalities. This is true especially if we have a history of trauma, as trauma fragments the self. Parts work is inner relationship repair. We all have good reasons for doing the things (maladaptive behaviors) we don’t want to do. Parts work helps us resolve inner conflicts and bring our wisest, most loving self forward. I appreciate how non-pathologizing this approach is. I especially recommend this modality for anyone who wants to have a better relationship with themself and cultivate more self-love. You can read more about Parts work here.
Attachment Focus: I view all of my therapeutic work through an attachment lens, staying aware of how our early relationships with caregivers set a blueprint for how we relate in adult relationships, especially with romantic partners. I can help you rewrite patterns and take on a healthier, more secure way of relating. I explain more about attachment in this post.
How Healing Occurs
I believe that healing occurs in the present moment, the here and now, and so therapy with me is experiential.
Healing happens through 1) sharing with an empathic witness, 2) having a corrective emotional experience (i.e., getting what you needed but did not receive in the past), and 3) releasing the emotional energy of the burden (painful past experience) you were carrying.
What Makes Therapy a Success
1) The Relationship between the Client and the Therapist
The therapeutic relationship is kind of like dating—there needs to be chemistry.
As we just discussed, it’s important to find a therapist whose modality and style of working fit your needs. But also, part of it is the “vibe” and whether your personalities mesh.
When considering a potential therapist, ask yourself, “Is this someone I feel comfortable sharing my inner world with?”
My first step in assessing fit is to have a free 15-minute phone or video consultation with every new potential client. And if you choose to proceed and start therapy with me, in our first few sessions together we’ll be continuing to see whether it feels like the right fit.
If for any reason you realize I’m not quite right for you, there are no hard feelings, and there’s no pressure or expectation for you to continue. Similarly, if I feel I’m not the best therapist to meet your needs, I’ll let you know and offer referrals for other therapists that might suit you better.
Then, if we continue working together, ongoing therapy is a place to practice being in relationship.
If you have difficulty setting boundaries or asking for what you need or expressing your feelings, practice in therapy. Ask me for what you need. Set boundaries with me!
If I ever do or say anything that rubs you the wrong way, please tell me so I can repair with you. Those moments of misattunement are an opportunity for deeper connection. Rupture and repair strengthens relationships and therapy is a safe space to practice.
2) Attending Sessions Consistently
Perhaps it goes without saying, but to get good results and achieve the goals you set for therapy, you need to attend sessions consistently.
If you find yourself frequently canceling sessions, that’s something to explore. Is it a sign of resistance from your protector Parts?
Or maybe you’ve got too much on your plate right now and it just isn’t a good time to commit to therapy.
You don’t have to clear your whole schedule or wait for the perfect time. Many busy people successfully engage in therapy. But it does require a certain amount of commitment and capacity/bandwidth.
3) What You Do Outside of Session
Like many things in life, you get as much out of therapy as you put into it.
You can come to therapy and have beautiful, evocative sessions full of “aha” moments and breakthroughs. AND if you don’t change anything about the way you show up in your day-to-day life, you won’t get the results you desire.
Most of the healing happens outside of the therapy office.
Here’s a hard truth: 50 minutes once a week is simply not enough for neuroplasticity (rewiring your brain).
You need to give yourself healthy, moderate amounts of stress to grow your capacity.
Healing doesn’t always feel good. It could look like taking a risk, or setting boundaries, or ending certain relationships. Some people in your life might not like the “new” you.
But it’s not all tough stuff! Part of the outside-of-session healing is also having new, pleasurable experiences.
Part of the medicine is having moments of joy and play and connection, and letting your system acclimate to this as a new normal, replacing the hypervigilance that trauma often carries.
Healing is allowing yourself to relax and letting yourself enjoy your life.
Homework
I give my clients homework, to help facilitate the continued growth and healing between sessions.
This is less likely to be something like a worksheet and more likely to be something practical, like being more consistent with a certain self-care practice or having a difficult conversation with a loved one.
It could also be a resource to engage with—a book recommendation, video, or podcast episode.
Start your healing journey with a trauma therapist in Sacramento today.
There’s no better time than the present to start your healing journey.
While I share many self-help resources here on the blog and do believe it’s possible to heal without professional help, having the support of a right-fit therapist will accelerate your growth.
If anything I’ve shared here today resonated with you, I’d love to get to know you through a free consultation, and hopefully be the therapist to help you finally heal your trauma.
Whether this is your first time in therapy or you’ve worked with another therapist before, we can come up with a customized treatment plan to meet your needs and get you closer to your most authentic, fulfilling life. Click here to set up your free call.
Curious to know more? Stay tuned for two more installments of “What You Should Know Before Starting Trauma Therapy in Sacramento.”
In Part Two I’ll cover frequency of sessions, length of treatment, and the whole process of therapy from start to finish. Then in Part Three you’ll learn how I collaborate with clients on every aspect of treatment, and I’ll share what a typical trauma therapy session with me looks like.
